Normally our blog is authored by Jennie, but we felt it would be helpful for me to express some of my thoughts and emotions as well. This blogging journal has become therapeutic for the both of us, and it has also become such an effective way for us to thank those that have so prayerfully supported us these past days. So tonight, you may recognize a slightly different tone and voice. (I hope you brought your coffee).
Our day with Jaden began before we left the house. Jennie seemed very upbeat, almost jittery with excitement to go to the hospital to hold Jaden. Meanwhile, I was experiencing a more subdued state of mind. It wasn't long and Jennie and I were trying to reconcile our approach. How do you temper such excitement with a reasonable amount of fear and trepidation? Thankfully Jennie and I balance each other wonderfully, finding a common ground that allowed us to approach the NICU with peace and grace.
Within seconds of walking into Jaden's room, we found an entirely new environment. The cooling table and associated support equipment had been replaced by a bassinet, and our little girl was swaddled and in the arms of a loving nurse. What a difference! The room which had previously felt like a cramped operating room, now felt like a private nursery. There were even a couple of rocking chairs that helped set the stage for a wonderful day of finally getting to know our Jaden on a personal level.
While we were still adjusting to the new environment, the nurse calmly handed Jennie our baby for the first time. I felt a flood of emotion and almost hugged the nurse.
She then proceeded to tell us that Jennie was "on" to feed the baby at first opportunity. We knew that they might start feeding her but had no idea that we would have the opportunity so early in the day let alone in such a personal way. Needless to say, this day was off to a start that superseded both of our wildest expectations.
The day carried on with lots of kisses, photos, hugs, feedings, and turns with Jaden in our laps and arms.
How do you describe holding something so precious after watching helplessly from a point blank range as your daughter heals from a trauma that started before her first breath of air in this world. We had feared that she would not want to to be swaddled, or held, or be able to take milk, or adjust comfortably without the cool and sedated environment that she was immersed in, such a short time ago. To our complete amazement, she responded to us as though time had stood still, and the delivery doctor had been able to hand her directly to her Mom just as we had hoped four days ago.
Needless to say, it was a wonderful day. We did our absolute best to make up for lost time. Jaden was in our arms almost the entire time we had in the hospital. So, the day ends with a small letting down of the guard. We know we don't have all the answers yet, but we have seen a lot of light at the end of a previously dark tunnel. God has indeed given us a gift. We posted this verse in Jaden's room as a reminder of His continued presence in her expanding life.
Zeph 3:17
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, and will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.
